‘The VelociPastor’ Is the Most Absurd Sci-Fi/Horror/Comedy You will Ever See

There are sci-fi films, horror movies, and comedies, then there are sci-fi horror comedies, after which there’s The VelociPastor — one of many wildest genre-bending films ever made. That is proper, you learn that title appropriately: The VelociPastor, a film that completely rides the road between schlock and B-movie masterpiece that it needs to be seen to be believed. This 2017 banger seems like a so-bad-it’s-good film, however deliberately steers in that route so onerous to the place it turns into a staggering achievement of resourceful filmmaking genius. This film throws any apprehension about budgetary points and goes off to make the wildest motion sci-fi horror comedy that it presumably can.

Director Brendan Steere and his crew lean onerous into their restrictions, poking enjoyable at the truth that they’ll carry each concept that they should life, all with a micro-budget attraction. It is a bombastic miracle of genre-fusing within the indie film stratosphere and ought to be studied by aspiring filmmakers all over the place as a reminder that you probably have the correct amount of coronary heart and self-awareness together with your undertaking, your viewers will go along with you wherever. Go together with The VelociPastor, and benefit from the bountiful feast that it supplies.

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‘The VelociPastor’ is a Combine-Mashed Film Masterpiece


The VelociPastor not solely acts as a beautiful mix-mash of genres, but it surely’s additionally a smorgasbord of various actions in movie. You have obtained some superhero tropes sprinkled in, a little bit of grindhouse, some ’90s romantic comedy-isms, and extra. It appears as if Steere took the chance of constructing this film to cram each style and movie motion that he admires and put them into one, culminating in one thing of a style gumbo. Add to the truth that VelociPastor aspires to ship an epic plot with solely tens of 1000’s of {dollars} in its pocket, and you have one heck of a singular expertise.

The movie’s plot follows Doug Jones (Greg Cohan), a priest who begins struggling together with his religion after the loss of life of his dad and mom. Within the wake of his grief, Jones takes a visit to China, the place he’s reduce by an historical artifact, magically granting him the flexibility to show right into a dinosaur. Doug shortly will get his skills below management, ultimately teaming up with a intercourse employee named Carol (Alyssa Kempinski) with the shared want to battle crime. From there, they duke it out with petty criminals, gangsters, and an underground group of drug-dealing ninjas. If that is not sufficient to hook you, I do not know what’s.

‘VelociPastor’ is Not “So-Dangerous-It is-Good,’ It is Simply GREAT!


So straight out of the gate, earlier than diving head first into the world of The VelociPastor, in case you solely know the movie’s common plot synopsis, you would possibly suppose that you just’re in for a so-bad-it’s-good stunning catastrophe kind of film. There are some drawbacks to that expectation, although. A so-bad-it’s-good film comes from when a filmmaker aspires to make an incredible piece of artwork, solely they do not simply make a couple of errors, they fall so onerous on their face that they find yourself with one thing so fully mishandled that it turns into entertaining. Consider films like Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, a undertaking that aspired to be an exhilarating drama, or Birdemic: Shock and Terror, an ode to Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds — one with clipart-like birds and a fantastically oblivious script. So-bad-it’s-good films do not know that they’re that. The VelociPastor, then again, takes its high quality, wears it as a badge of honor, and runs.

The Greatest Show of Self-Consciousness… Ever?

A man being bitten in the leg by a dinosaur in 'The VelociPastor.'

The attractive genius of Brendan Steere’s work right here is that it embraces the concept that on the floor, there isn’t any “stunning genius.” The VelociPastor is shot on low-cost digital cameras, filmed in backyards, all the time makes use of the second to final thing you’d anticipate to realize a visible impact, and has its tongue deep into its cheek. Steere desires you to chuckle on the film, desperately. He is laughing with you the entire technique to the financial institution. Typically with these kind of tasks, a filmmaker will suppose they are going for realizing self-parody, however actually you simply find yourself with a self-conscious movie. The VelociPastor is sort of a child who stands up with an enormous grin and farts in the midst of class, each to seem like a complete goof and likewise essentially the most assured individual within the room. There is a knowingness to this complete film, one which Steere is in full management of.

This is not to say the film is a few sort of rip-off although. It is not such as you’re strolling into The Godfather and also you stroll out with The Godthumb (sure, that is actual). You recognize what you are getting with The VelociPastor as quickly as you stumble throughout its title, but it surely solely will get higher from there. The film begins as a tragedy for Doug Jones, however shortly finally ends up spanning continents, throws zero-budget gore on the display (which is far more enjoyable than you would possibly suppose), will get ridiculously mystical, options violent monster transformations, and brings hoards of enemies to the titular velocipastor’s toes. It is fantastic. Whereas some films would do this stuff and attempt to be humorous whereas doing so, they both would not know decide to the bit or would stumble of their efforts and supply a film that finally ends up extra insecure than something. Each second feels honest. The film comes from essentially the most real place, one which desperately desires to entertain its viewers, but is not apprehensive about its skills in doing so. The VelociPastor kicks ass and is aware of it.

Being charming on no price range is not the one factor that may lead a D-movie to victory although, it’s a must to have memorable characters and dialogue, or else all you’ve is an empty-calorie film expertise. Fortunately, the movie often tosses out ridiculous traces and exchanges, one after the opposite. There is a improbable second when our lead protagonists notice they want one another, with Carol desperately exclaiming “I do not know a lot about God,” just for Doug to hopelessly reply “I do not know a lot about dinosaurs.” Or the one which precedes that dialog, when Doug errors Carol’s obscure account of the evening he first changed into a dinosaur and saved her life for an ungainly story about them possibly having intercourse the evening earlier than. And do not forget why they name him Frankie Mermaid (Fernando Pacheco De Castro) — “since you’re swimmin’ in bitches!” Great.

There aren’t any films like The VelociPastor. You would possibly suppose there are, however there aren’t. It so splendidly rides the road between being low-budget trash and a masterful comedy that it comes out its very personal beast. There’s apparently a sequel on the best way, titled The VelociPastor 2, nonetheless starring Cohan and Kempinski, however this time directed by the unique film’s producer Jesse Gouldsbury. Whereas it may not precisely be Steere who’s… steering the ship… at the least it is any person who was closely concerned with the unique. As an alternative, Steere will likely be directing the religious sequel, Outback Dracula, a film a few “psychic, lesbian schoolteacher groups up with the world’s biggest adventurer to seek out her lacking girlfriend and to defeat Dracula and his Golden Military of the Undead.” Each of these films sound improbable, however irrespective of how enjoyable they’re, they will by no means reside as much as the traditional that began all of it — The VelociPastor.

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